What do Justin Timberlake's butt, fascinators and bridesmaid dress disasters have in common?

They're all in this episode of: My Totally Fab Life! :)

Hey everyone! Remember me? NO? Well it’s probably because I haven’t blogged in like AGES.

I know, I know – I keep apologizing and I really should just do it…but I’ve had a busy summer doing…hmmm..what was it? I dunno. But I feel like it’s been busy.

So let’s see…what have I been up to? Well, I see that I haven’t finished off my last day in Minneaps post about the best place to eat (I still have to do that one!)…and what else? Oh, I’ve watched a couple of movies this summer: Transformers 3 (snore…well, the beginning at least. There was a lot of “SYD” in that one) and more recently Friends w/ Benefits with JT and Mila Kunis (one word: JT’s bare ass!!) Wait, that was like 3 words, but HELLO, his BARE ASS. Oh, I love JT (sighing dreamily…)

We’ve attended a couple of friends' weddings (and will soon be attending 2 more!). Speaking of weddings, I’ve decided that if I ever get married again, my wedding dress is going to have white ostrich feathers on it. I just saw the pics from recent fancy shmancy wedding and yeah. I want a dress with feathers on it. As you all know I have quite the affinity for anything with feathers.

Actually if I could, there are a couple of dresses I would want. Okay. 3 to be exact. Well the first is the one with the feathers, (obvi). Then I would want a simple strapless form fitted one with a deep perpel (aubergine) ribbon belt and flower (I saw it in the window of a wedding store) and last, a simple strapless ball gown, with a simple diamond(ish) encrusted belt (with pockets) Trust. It looks nicer than it sounds. Obviously, my bridesmaids would have to change as well. First they would be wearing perpel (magenta) with big apple green cymbidium orchids and green calla lilies. Afterwards, they would change to perpel (aubergine) and teal (half of them wearing aubergine, half wearing teal). Then probably back to magenta, but a different style, with big camellias in their hair. Yep. Got it all figured out…just in case. Haha. And you know what else? Ever since the Royal wedding, everyone’s been abuzz about Fascinators. You know, those fancy hats/headbands that women wear to Royal weddings?! In fact, for my cousin’s wedding shower - you know how people usually make those silly hats out of paper plates and ribbons? Well my mom decided that my cousin’s fiancé was going to have a fascinator instead and she ingeniously used a Styrofoam bowl (instead of a plate) and then only used color coordinating ribbons. It was the most fashionable Styrofoam fascinator I’ve ever seen (That’s kind of the first time I ever heard that term, but now I love it.) Kudos to my moms. Who knew? Anyways I think I would definitely need a feather fascinator for that first dress….then another one for the next dress, with a big perpel flower on it…and lastly a big camellia one for the last dress (to go with my bridesmaids dresses). Hmmm….

And while I’m on the subject of bridesmaid dresses, can I just tell you what craziness it’s been with the bridesmaid dress that I got for my friend’s wedding? Well we went to get measured (first let me say, there is obviously no point to this which you will soon see as you read on...) and the girl at the bridal store measures me and tells me that they’re ordering the dress off of my hip measurement as that is the widest(?), largest (?) part of my body. (I guess there was no real reason to measure my bust or waist). She tells me that based on that measurement she has to order a certain size (as that is what the manufacturer “suggests”). I tell her that size is going to be HUGE and its obvious that I will need alterations. She says, “Oh yeah. For sure” (cha-ching, I guess?!) Well, in my head I’m already thinking “oh HELLZ naw am I going to be getting alterations at this store”. Anyways, she tells me she has to get this size and that this size is going to cost me an extra 40.00 (due to the extra material). Umm…wait a minute. So I’m getting charged extra material on a dress I KNOW is going to be humungous on me, and then I have to pay for alterations to get it taken in? Well, this was questionable, to say the least…but I figured these girls know what they’re doing when they order because they do it everyday…So I pay for the dress. A few months later (because it apparently takes months to make a non-custom made dress with no measurement sense whatsoever) I get the dress. Well as predicted, the dress is huge. But hey, it fits in the hips…kind of. It’s fricken long too (the dress is supposed to be just past my knees). It’s covering my feet. I seriously don’t know what kind of hat this so-called bridesmaid dress manufacturer pulled these measurements out of, but for damn sure no one with boobs huge enough to fit into this dress is gonna have my hip size. Unless of course I get a boob job and make it one of those Double G size ones and wear 10 inch heels. Seriously? Seriously. Like, I can buy clothes at normal stores and they more or less get the sizes right…these bridesmaid dresses are technically supposed to be “custom-made” dresses…isn’t that why you get measured and why it takes so damn long for them to come in?! I mean, okay, I can understand some alterations…take it in here, raise the hem a bit there…but come on. I have to basically pay 100.00 more to take off all the extra material they made me pay extra to put on!!!! I’m basically paying for ½ of another bridesmaid dress!!! Bridesmaid dress manufacturers are out to get you. I’m sure of it. FOR NO APPARENT REASON. This is redunk. “What you’re not a bride, buying a $10,000.00 dress? Well why don’t you just pay a ridic amount for a dress you will for sure never wear again (no matter WHAT anyone says) and while you’re at it, buy the biggest size imaginable so that you can pay us to take it in for you?!”

One of the other bridesmaids was also fitted to her hips. Apparently that meant her boobs and thighs were non-existent. The dress that the manufacturer (and therefore the salesgirl) “suggested” for her was apparently Barbie-size. Oh yeah, it fits her hips. Just not anything else.

So anyways, my friend, the bride, is going to talk to the owner of the Bridal salon to see if there is anything she can “do” for us. I don’t know if it will help since their policy is “Order the dress that will for sure not fit”. Eh. Guess we'll see what happens.

Anyways, I apologize again – I’ve kind of taken the summer off but it’s already August and before you know it our beloved summer (that we all love to complain is too hot), will soon be replaced by crisp fall weather (which I personally love due to the plethora of fabulous fall “back to school” clothes) and then winter will be a hop, skip and a jump away…boo. But fret not, my fab lifers…my creative juices have started to flow again and I promise I already have a few posts lined up for ya! Stay tuned...